Favoritism is a tough one. After all, who doesn’t have their favorites? We all have a favorite color, food, song, friend. So why wouldn’t a coach have a favorite student? If you asked a coach if he or she had a favorite student, he or she would most likely give you a very diplomatic answer. “I love all my skaters!” “All my skaters are wonderful and so different from one another!” “I could never pick a favorite!” Can you actually believe that? No, not really.
There will inevitably be someone that a coach will get excited about working with more than the others. It could be a skater who is doing the hardest jumps, has the most flexibility, catches on fast, shows up early for lessons, always practices, likes penguins or has the parents with the deepest pockets. Sometimes that favoritism will be fleeting and sometimes it could last a really long time. A true professional will find a way to not let this show. However, let’s face it, anyone can call themselves “coach.” Not everyone who calls themselves “coach” is a true professional.
Not The Chosen One
If your skater is not “the chosen one” it could seriously affect your skater’s career. If you only employ one coach for lessons and that coach is preoccupied with someone else’s success, your skater could be the one who is hurt. There are some things to consider when you find yourself and your skater potentially facing this scenario.
- Does everyone in the rink know that a particular skater is coach’s favorite?
- Does everyone in the city know it too?
- Does your skater know it?
- Does your skater talk about it often?
If you answered yes to these questions, this is a definite distraction and potentially an unhealthy situation for your skater. The coach may even not completely realize what she is doing and believe that she has your skater’s best interest at heart but at the same time is subconsciously undermining your skater’s ability to make progress.
Favoritism and Skater Progress
Does the favorite progress faster than every other one of the coach’s skaters? Unless that skater is taking a lot more lessons than every other skater on the coach’s roster, this is a HUGE problem. There are two things that could be going on in this situation.
- The coach is taking excellent care of the “chosen one”.
- The coach is not really taking care of everyone else.
Skating is about working on skills to get to the next level. Your skater could fall behind if the coach is more interested in the favorite. It isn’t just that the other skater is getting higher-quality training, it could also be that the coach is just not interested in being productive during your skater’s lessons anymore. In the coach’s mind your skater won’t be as good as the favorite so why expend the energy. Progress then becomes slower and possibly non-existent. The blame will most likely put squarely on your skater.
Unless you are seriously paying attention to this, it will most likely take some time to figure it out. By the time you do figure it out, you have wasted a lot of time – which skaters don’t generally have. You also could have wasted a ton of money – which the coach doesn’t deserve.
Monitor goals
Sit down with your coach at the beginning of the season to set goals for the year. Set a timeline for testing and skills acquisition. Review these goals at regular intervals and as the timeline progresses. Make sure your skater is hitting those goals and if she isn’t, ask why not. If the coach replies that it is your skater’s fault and not her, don’t settle for that answer. It is your coach’s job to communicate what she needs to attain the goals. It is your job to make sure your skater has the resources and practice time to reinforce the lessons. If you are doing your job and the goals aren’t being met, you will need to discuss this with the coach. Keep in mind that missed practices, illnesses and injuries will delay the timeline and you will need to adjust accordingly.
Watch the lessons.
Make it a point to watch your skater’s lessons. If you see that your skater is working hard, being attentive during lessons and you are following the minimum 3:1 practice-to-lesson rule, yet the coach complains your skater isn’t doing her part, this is a sign that the coach isn’t interested in your skater’s success. If you are not paying attention to the lessons, the coach will have free reign to squander time and money.
Hire a secondary coach.
When your skater has been slow to make progress, consider hiring a second coach – even if it is only temporary. This could help you confirm if favoritism is effecting your skater’s progress. If she starts making strides immediately after starting lessons with a second coach, it is time to have a conversation with the primary coach. Keep in mind, it could also be possible that the skater and coach have outgrown one another. If so, you might see the same results.
Absolutely do not select your primary coach’s BFF for this job! If you can swing it, choose someone from a different rink or club. Why? There are ethical issues that can come up when you have a team of besties working for you. Sure, “we work great together” sounds like a reason to go with whomever your coach wants to work with but at the end of the day, as far as coaches are concerned, skaters come and go. The other coaches in their life are around for a long time.
Some coaches work together on the same ice for decades. You and your child are a temporary source of income in their world. Should it come down to favorite vs. non-favorite, the coach will most likely pick the favorite. If it comes down to coach vs skater, the coach will most likely pick the coach. Do not put your eggs in one basket if you suspect favoritism. Calling the coach out on favoritism could get nasty. There is a good chance that a BFF secondary coach will follow the primary coach out the door. Blatant favoritism makes a coach look bad. While you may have evidence to support your claim, every coach in the rink might turn on you and your skater. Be prepared to switch rinks, coaches and clubs in extreme cases.
Never assume that just because someone calls them self a “professional” that they actually are one.